Elvira's Movie Macabre: Gamera: Super Monster/They Came From Beyond Space ( Episodes 86 and 79)

Original aired 1986

Directed by: Larry Thomas 

Starring: Cassandra Peterson

Written by: Larry Thomas, Cassandra Peterson

Genre: Horror, Science Fiction, Comedy, TV

Distributor: Shout! Factory

DVD Running Time: 213 minutes

Website: Click here

There are two types of people who watch crappy movies. The first will tell you exactly what happens in every scene of Rutger Hauer action-vehicle Blind Fury and then somehow steer the conversation into a one-sided argument about how Chuck Liddell could kick Randy Couture’s ass in a street fight. These people are very difficult to stand next to at a party. The second type of people will not annoy you at a party, because they do not get invited to parties very often. Instead, they listen to old White Zombie records and try to match the samples with the B-grade horror films they came from. Sometimes, they quietly sing the musical numbers in The Star Wars Holiday Special while alphabetizing comic books. This latter group is much more likely to possess a sense of humour that doesn’t involve passing gas, have an ironic appreciation of the original Transformers movie that doesn't extend to the remake, and own bootleg VHS copies of Elvira’s Movie Macabre TV show. These are better people.

Thankfully, thanks to Shout! Factory, those old bootlegs are no longer necessary, and those that enjoy crappy movies for all the right reasons will be able to revisit the show that made Elvira the most popular horror hostess of all time. Each DVD contains two full episodes, in which Elvira introduces a B-movie with her Marsha-Brady-at-a-Bauhaus-concert persona, pokes gentle fun at the film’s flaws, and talks about her breasts more than a drunken 16-year-old at a house party. The movies are terrible, but this is the way they should be watched: from poor quality prints, accompanied by jokes worse than the script, and with frequent interruptions that prevent boredom from setting in like gangrene and bedsores. This volume contains Gamera: Super Monster, and They Came From Beyond Space, presented both with Elvira’s asides in the commercial breaks, for those who like the films for their camp value, and in their uninterrupted entirety, for those who prefer Chuck Liddell.

Gamera: Super Monster

1980, Japan

Directed by Noriaki Yuasa 

Written by: Nisan Takahashi

Produced by: Hirosaki Ohba, Shigeru Shinohara, Masaya Tokuyama

Starring: Mach Fumiaki, Yaeko Kojima, Yoko Komatsu

Genre: Science Fiction, Kaiju

Running Time: 92 minutes 

Thank god this movie is broken up into tiny pieces, because watching the whole thing at once would be like eating a bowlful of cow testicles on Fear Factor. This is the eighth film in the Gamera series, and by far the worst. Think about what that means. Gamera is a rocket-powered turtle, and the fact that there’s a ‘worst’ in his series implies that there’s a ‘best’, which is like picking your favourite type of cancer. Anyway, in this particular chapter in Gamera’s history, the world is under attack, strangely enough, by an Imperial Star Destroyer that’s full of pirates. These pirates are bent on destroying the earth, as well as three “Spacewomen” who live in hiding. One of the Spacewomen works at a pet store, and they all change into superheroes by doing the Macarena and playing a Casio keyboard, much like that magic key from the He-Man movie. Also there’s this kid, and his pet turtle turns into Gamera and fights stock footage from the pervious seven films. Gamera manages to defeat, again, Gyaos, Zigra, Viras, Jiger, Guiron, and Barugon, before they cut in some animated footage of a train flying through the air and he dies. Sorry to spoil the ending, but if I didn’t, you’d have to watch it. Elvira’s aside are funny and vaguely titillating, as usual, with a highlight being when she attacks a bunch of fake cars with a rubber stegosaurus, which is far more entertaining than Gamera.

They Came From Beyond Space

1967, UK

Directed by :Freddie Francis

Written by: Joseph Millard (novel), Milton Subotsky

Produced by: Max Rosenberg, MIlton Subotsky

Starring: Robert Hutton, Jennifer Jayne, Zia Mohyeddin

Genre: Science Fiction

Running Time: 85 minutes

Actually, they come from the Moon. And they came here to rob a bank, which is less frightening than it is similar to something those Atari aliens from Aqua Teen Hunger Force would do. An English film from legendary director Freddie Francis, They Came From Beyond Space starts off with a meteor shower in a small British town. Then the meteors take over people’s minds. Then some other people get a disease that looks like small-pox mixed with CSI blood spatter. And there’s a rocket, and old people dressed like people who sell falconry equipment at Renaissance fairs. The film is actually not that incompetently made, and the actors’ English reserve keeps things from getting too silly, but there’s no real excitement in the film. Unless you’re twelve, in which case you’ll really appreciate Elvira’s cleavage and the part where she says “foxtrot” like it’s a dirty word. Elvira’s intercut performances are particularly energetic in this episode, so much so that she seems to continue talking through several commercial breaks, and really liven up the film in a way that even Gamera, Chuck Liddel, and Rutger Hauer combined couldn’t hope to match.

Elvira's Movie Macabre: Gamera, Super Monster/They Came From Beyond Space does not contain any bonuses, though that leaves ample room for reviewers' jokes about Ms. Peterson's own special features.

Rating: 8 on 10

alkratina@comicbookbin.com