Captain Britain and MI: 13 returns the character Captain Britain (A.K.A. Brian Braddock) to the ranks of characters with monthly comic books, except the Captain died in a terrific explosion at the end of the first issue.  Written by Paul Cornell and drawn by Leonard Kirk, the series spins out of the events of Marvel Comics massive crossover series, Secret Invasion, which finds an invasion of Earth by the shape-shifting Skrulls.

The action continues in Captain Britain and MI: 13 #2.  In the wake of Captain Britain’s death, Pete Wisdom leads Spitfire and a renegade Skrull named John (who looks like John Lennon) into Avalon (the collective British unconscious or the place where all the magic comes from) to stop the Skrulls from stealing magical items like the legendary sword Excalibur.

THE LOWDOWN:  If an enterprising nerd were able to dig in the toilets of Neil Gaiman, Grant Morrison, and Chris Claremont and retrieve the chunks that didn’t flush away, he might be able to blend all that crap into the pretentious mess that is Paul Cornell’s Captain Britain and MI: 13 #2 script.  In terms of mediocrity, this has to be the most pitiful professionally produced comic book I’ve ever read (that wasn’t published by the Image founders in their early days).  Cornell has the characters babbling about British this and British that and “lot of” this and “give us a kiss, love” that and other assorted drivel.

I know that Marvel Comics’ bosses love British writers and television writers (at least, of a certain hue), so in theory, they should get double the pleasure with Cornell.  Instead, they got a patchwork man who writes quirky… poppycock.  Quite of a bit of this comic reads like a college freshman’s half-assed essay on Britain and magic.  The magic bits also seem like warmed over Neil Gaiman, and the Skrull/hero battles are retreads from Secret Wars II.

The art is OK.

POSSIBLE AUDIENCE:  ‘Tards.

D-