Amazing Spider-Man 537

Marvel Comics

Writer: J. Michael Straczynski

Penciler: Ron Garney

Inker: Bill Reinhold

Someone at Marvel’s marketing department has gone over the edge. Today, in my issue of Amazing Spider-Man, I found the following horrifying image pictured to the left (?) of this block of text. Few things frighten me. I’ve hunted ghosts, been on planes that went through storms, and even had a mountain lion debate whether or not I was late-night snack material. I’ve never, however, been as terrified as I was of this ad. A Hulk cologne? What, will it make you smell like sweat, gamma radiation and unmitigated rage? Cause I smelled like two of those for most of middle school and it didn’t attract girls. I guess Cap or Spider-Man might smell ok…but it’s not the letter of the law that matters. It’s the spirit. Superheroes are not cologne material. Besides, what happens if you wear it and it’s actually good? What do you tell a girl? I have painstakingly recreated what would happen in the following dialogue:

Hot girl: Hey you smell good. What scent are you wearing?

Me: Spider-Man.

Hot girl: *enters convent*

You see? This can’t be allowed to continue. To whoever is reading this at Marvel Comics—please please PLEASE stop. Our cherished freedoms as men and comic nerds are being threatened.

Ok, down to business. Amazing Spider-Man 537 addresses the wake of Spidey’s decision to speak out against the Registration Act. Peter Parker and family are on the run, hidden in a dive motel somewhere in NY city. The Kingpin, however, has uncovered their location, and it doesn’t take a literary scholar to figure out the implications of this development.

J. Michael Straczynski has written an interesting issue, though the spotlight goes to Captain America. Cap and Spider-Man meet up, and Cap gets several pages to tell Peter Parker why it’s good to stick to your convictions (especially in a republic). As far as Captain America dialogue goes, this is good stuff. Cap’s character should allow the author to ask what it means to be American, and Straczynski takes full advantage of this. There isn’t much Spider-Man in this issue, however.    

Ron Garney’s an old Cap veteran. He once penciled the Operation: Rebirth story arc with (overrated writer) Mark Waid. He seems more at home drawing Cap than he does Spider-Man. Garney’s style is too upright and straightforward for the wallcrawler, but it accurately captures Steve Rogers’ personality. Garney’s layouts are always fantastic, and this issue is no exception. Ron Garney knows how to use “camera angles” and composition to make the dialogue interesting. Thank goodness, since this is an action-free issue.

Worth the money? Eh. If you’re into the current story arc, or if you’re a Captain America fan. Otherwise, this is one of the many filler issues the Civil War storyline will sell for Marvel Comics.