Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Nikki Reed, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone
Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Writser: Melissa Rosenberg, Stephenie Meyer
Executive Producer: Michael Iperato
Producers: Mark Morgan, Greg Mooriadian, Wyck Godfrey
Genre: Drama, Fantasy, Romance
Rating: MPAA – PG-13 for some violence and a scene of sensuality
Distributor: Summit Entertainment

Twilight , a teen drama with vampires brimming with angst, was rather entertaining due to how awful and ridiculous it was. It made little sense, it was riddled with flaws, and the acting and dialogue were just plain bad. If it were not for these hilarious issues and the horde of cheering and screaming teenage girls it would have been a total waste of time. Instead, it was just mostly a waste of time.

The story follows Isabella/Bella Swan (Stewart), an emotionally charged teenager who is overly dramatic. Her seemingly terrible life goes from bad to worse when she is sent to live with her dad in a small, eerie town called Forks. As the film progresses, she slowly learns that this rainy town is home to vampires. One vampire of note is Edward (Pattinson), the sexy, quiet, and fidgety love interest. Edward and Bella fall in love, and are met with hurdles and challenges. They spend the film hoping love will conquer all rather than working on practical solutions to their difficulty. The challenges consist of the usual disapproving parents, overcoming differences in lifestyle and, of course, vampire battles.

I would like to note that the vampires introduced in this film do not fall under the classic definition of vampire. They do not need human blood to survive and they can go out in the sun. As well, they do not age, can run super fast, are super strong, and each one possesses their own unique power. Although it is not how I know vampires to be, this is not an issue because this is the world that Stephenie Meyer constructed and nowhere is it written that vampires must follow a certain code.

The acting in the movie was, for the most part, extremely poor. I say for the most part because they were all bad aside from Kristen Stewart, who was marginally better, but nothing too great. As well, the dialogue was awful and extremely cheesy. Most of the lines in the film felt forced and unnatural. It was almost as though the actors did not like the lines they were given.

However, it is the blatant flaws in this movie that really bothered me. First off, the physics were absolutely ridiculous. When the vampires jumped, their path of motion did not follow the appropriate parabolic curve. When they ran, their bodies moved faster than their legs, and they somehow managed to climb monstrous trees with ease. Furthermore, there was a scene where an apple falls off a table, hits Edward’s foot and is kicked back up into his hands. The speed of the apple as it fell and rose is constant, rather than accelerating and decelerating under the effects of gravity as any high school physics student would know. Then again, considering the crowd at the theater, I don’t think anyone would have noticed. The producers should have invested more money in the effects department, rather than the ridiculous screen writer.

Ludicrous physics aside, there were other issues that made little sense as well. Edward is supposed to be gorgeous, but he is not, at least in my opinion. The school was seemingly packed with students when the town had only roughly 3,000 inhabitants. The boys that Bella encountered in school flocked to her as if she was a goddess, but the movie never explains why. The vampires, as Edward pointed out during the film, are supposed to “sparkle” in the sun, but it just looked like they were sweating. At one point Edward sneaks into Bella’s room, and she is not concerned. Why is it that when Edward breaks into a girl’s room it’s cool, but when I do it it’s a felony? Also, it seems as though the vampires have been living in this town for over a hundred years, so how are the inhabitants not suspicious of them? What really threw me though, was the scene in which Bella gets bitten by James (Gigandet), the nemesis vampire who spends the majority of the movie trying to kill her. First off, the movie never explains why James goes through so much trouble to get her. Second, in order to save her, Edward seemingly bites on the wound in an attempt to stop the effect of James’ bite. But if Edward bit her should she not still be infected? The very fact of him biting her would have just added to the infection. In other words, if a venomous animal bites you, do you make another venomous animal bite you in order to reverse the effects of the venom? Of course not!

Most of these issues, I realize, are due to the fact that I never read the novel that this movie is based on, and that is exactly the point. I went into this movie knowing nothing of the story and left totally confused. Movies should be accessible to all, but this one was not. This one was for the fans, for the people who knew the story already.

However, there were a few things about this film that I did enjoy. First, the art direction was great. The grey and green color scheme accentuated the emotional and dramatic tone of the film. Second, it was rather cute. I could not help but smile at how adorable it was when Edward and Isabella ended up together. Aside from these two points though, the movie had not much else going for it.

Throughout the film I could not help but think that the entire movie was a euphemism for sex. If you were to replace the vampires with raging teen hormones, it would actually work very well. In fact, if they were to replace the vampires, and brush up the acting and dialogue, they might be left with a half decent film. Instead we are left with a heavily flawed teen drama with vampires that only the fans can appreciate.