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THE FANTASTIC THREE??? I checked out the latest issue of Fantastic Four, #509. That book is HILARIOUS. Cover to cover laughs. Glad to see Mark Waid has put the fun back into the World’s Greatest Comic Magazine. Is there anything more depressing than seeing Reed Richards – currently doing his best Two Face impression – using cosmic-sized paddles on a hollowed-out Ben Grimm? Jesus…

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ARRRGH!!! I ran across this news in Comic Book Resources’ Lying in the Gutters this week:

Tony Millionaire announced that, after hanging onto it for ages, DC Comics have passed on a Batman/Robin book by Tony Millionaire and Chip Kidd. With their past work for Bizarro Comics being considered the star piece of that volume, disappointment was rife.

James Kochalka added: "I'm glad I decided not to let DC have the new superhero book I'm working on. They were taking too long to decide, and I got tired of waiting, so I offered it to Top Shelf."

Three quality names right there: Snap! Crackle! Pop! Guys that should be making more consistent contributions to DC Comics, especially after the brilliance that was Bizarro Comics. Anyone on DC’s staff that allowed these balls to be dropped needs to be fired, pronto. I’m so pissed off I can’t see straight right now.

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WHAT DO I GET IF I’M STRAIGHT AND SINGLE? Like it wasn’t appalling enough that well into the Iraqi invasion that our fearless president came to the American people begging for another $87 billion to continue the farce (and I cannot wait for the next time he begs for funding), but now Bush has decided that taxpayers should to cover another $1.5 billion to promote his idea of the sanctity of “traditional” marriage? Of all the problems that our president has failed to rectify in any productive way -- let alone address at all -- gay people getting married should be so low on the priority list it’s scary. Homosexuality is not responsible for terrorism, an anemic economy, a weak educational system, and senior citizens’ inability to get prescription drugs for reasonable prices, no matter what Karl Rove or James Dobson would have you believe.

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I LOST COUNT: Two things to try to keep track of in the State of the Union address that made it quick and easy to run out of fingers and toes. One: the standing ovations, but that’s always to be expected. Though I cannot ever recall seeing such a divisive address as the one we got this week. Ted Kennedy’s nods of disapproval were priceless. Two: the Presidential Smirk. My God, if we have to endure another four years of that…

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QUESTION TO REPUBLICANS OUT THERE: Okay, say the Karl Rove puppy gets another four years to mess up this planet come next November. Whatever. I just want to know if any sane American, Republican or otherwise, feels confident in handing leadership over to former Halliburton CEO Dick Cheney when Bush’s potential second term is complete. Anyone who answers ‘yes” to that needs more help than a thousand Michael Moores can provide.

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FATHER LEONE?? I can’t see a whole lot of reasons why I am not going to pick up every issue of this run, but if there was one thing I am still a bit skeptical about with Brian Azzarello and Jim Lee’s work on Superman this spring, it’s this: Azzy, other than what he just wrote for Batman (”Broken City”), has no DC Universe experience that I am aware of to date. At least with Jeph Loeb, you had someone with a lot of said experience, and it showed in “Hush,” and there were familiar characters galore. With Azzarello, are we going to get this same kind of DCU experience, and in essence, see Jim Lee get to play with a lot of cool Superman characters – heroes AND villains?? I’m hopeful…

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MUCH BETTER: (Chicago resident Brian Azzarello should appreciate this next bit) About the most unpleasant and thankless job in Chicago has to be the general manager position of the Chicago Bears. Come to think of it, is there ANY choice general manager assignment in Chicago right now? Billy goat curses aside, the Cubs did have a successful 2003 season, but GM Jim Hendry’s been practically hogtied when it comes to making any headline-making free agent acquisitions during the winter meetings. This from a Tribune-owned team that’s swimming in profits -- without the salary cap constraints that football and basketball have. And there’s the floundering GM’s for the White Sox (zero off-season moves to better the team) and the Bulls (dead last in CNNsi.com’s last power rankings), and it is absolutely no coincidence that these two poor guys both report to Jerry Reinsdorf, easily one of the most inept owners in professional sports (when Jordan & Jackson went, so went the championship play).

But anyway, the Bears have been blessed with general manager Jerry Angelo. Any self-respecting Bears fan would be choking on their cheese fries right now seeing the word “blessed” used, just to give you an idea of his present reputation in the Windy City. Angelo has taken a bath in the last couple of weeks by the Chicago sports media because he failed to land LSU’s head coach Nick Saban after they did their part to secure some of the college football national championship. When Angelo’s search for a Bears head coach began, he made it clear that he was not going to hire a defensive coordinator with no prior head coaching experience. Saban was not necessarily a lock for the Bears, but Angelo is reportedly from the same NFL social circles as Saban and his old mentor Bill Belichick (currently poised to win his second Super Bowl ring with the Patriots), so he had an “in” with the highly coveted LSU coach that other NFL teams did not. It should be noted that Angelo, along with his boss, Bears president Ted Phillips, gave themselves fat contract extensions in wake of firing old coach Dick Jauron immediately after recording yet another losing season. Angelo felt pretty good about the power he was wielding as general manager. So much so, it turns out, that he was willing to rebuff Saban’s request for some say in personnel decisions if he was made coach. Angelo has watched every other team in need make solid coaching acquisitions in the last two weeks, but when Jerry failed to reel in the big fish himself this is what he did: he hired a defensive coordinator with no prior head coaching experience.

When Jerry introduced new head coach Lovie Smith (formerly of the St. Louis Rams) to the media last week, it was Smith’s chance to ease some tension with local fans and press who have watched their team make the playoffs one time since 1992. For the most part, Smith succeeded. But that didn’t stop the very media-inept Angelo from butting in with this diatribe:

“I wasn't worried about having a little egg on my face or somebody saying this or that or having an agent promoting his client. You hear that crap, I understand that crap was going to come with the territory, but I'll live with that crap. Because at the end of the day, I wanted to make sure I got the right guy…

I've listened to so much crap in the last two weeks. I've [had] to look myself in the mirror, and I said, 'I should have a turban on.' ''

Quality, Jerry. What was it you have to live with? Oh, right: crap. Not only did he fail to appease a rabid fan base with an A-list coaching acquisition, but he busted out un-PC comments that don’t exactly lend themselves well to a melting pot town like Chicago. I wish Lovie nothing but luck and success with the Bears in the future, but now it seems painfully obvious, with the boss he has now agreed to work for, that he’s going to need a lot more than luck.

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HEY, MAN! WE’RE GETTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER! This weekend in Chicago was of the shut-in variety. For one thing, as a football fan, I had to endure that long “off weekend” between the conference championships and the Super Bowl (oh, how I love when there’s only a week between those games instead of two), and it was just plain cold and miserable. I am officially at that point in the winter months where I have had my fill and am ready for spring and summer. But in staying home and devoting more time than usual to channel-surfing, I finally got to watch a few episodes of VH-1’s latest bit of retro programming, Bands Reunited. With this show, VH1 is facilitating the reunions of long-dormant bands that last had hits in the Reagan era. Through the recent commercials, I wasn’t all that excited with this, because I was afraid that we’d find out the hard way why these bands knew better to leave well enough alone, yet VH1 wanted to display the train wreck for all the world to see. VH1 ran several episodes this weekend, not necessarily in a marathon, but frequently enough that I saw five or six bands reunite Saturday and Sunday.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that Bands Reunited served as the sort of pop culture indulgence that Behind the Music did a good four years ago. Not for a minute did I ever believe that the story of reuniting Eighties R&B act Klymaxx was mandatory viewing, but lo and behold, host Aamer Haleem and his diligent crew pulled it off. The story of Klymaxx was interesting, as were the ones on Berlin, Romeo Void, Flock of Seagulls, and Frankie Goes to Hollywood in that in a lot of instances, these musicians may have been away from their instruments for years. These were folks that became parents, took jobs outside the music industry, and in one particular instance had to opt for the musician’s answer to the NFL’s “physically unable to perform” list.

I may be revealing some potential spoilers here, so consider yourself warned… Frankie Goes to Hollywood was the one episode I saw where VH1 was successful in getting the bandmates all in the same room (for the first time in over two decades), but lead singer Holly Johnson was the lone holdout in actually performing. As he reasoned, the program only gave the band roughly 48 hours to rehearse and perform, and that was insufficient prep time. But you never know if some reunion seeds were planted in at least getting them all talking for the first time in ages. The Klymaxx reunion was filled with the most tension because their old guitarist, Cheryl Cooley, trademarked the name so she could tour on her own under the clichéd “Well Known Act featuring One Remaining Member” moniker. Ultimately she attended the initial gathering of the old band, but was not welcome to join the other “Divas for Life” for their one-night-only return to the stage. The members of Romeo Void were able to get in the same room together, all involved in good spirits. But the happy mood was dampened when saxophonist Benjamin Bossi revealed that he could no longer play due to a longtime battle with hearing loss. As enthusiastic as Bossi was to see his old friends, he couldn’t even stay in the same room while they performed due to his deteriorating hearing, and this was absolutely heartbreaking to watch. There were definitely some insights on the record industry and their tendency to chew up and spit out the talent in self-serving ways, not that anyone who follows contemporary music should be surprised. While the acts that have been featured on Bands Reunited to date aren’t exactly waiting for their inductions into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, each group’s stories were surprisingly compelling, and the brief glimpses into their reunion shows at the end of each episode showed that more often than not that the chops were still there. Flock of Seagull’s outstanding take on “Space Age Love Song” is still ringing in my head. It was also quite infectious to watch these groups so obviously happy to be back in a situation they’d long since abandoned. It was like watching the coolest family reunions ever. Hopefully VH1 doesn’t run out of compelling acts anytime soon.

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MEMO TO DC DIRECT: Still waiting on some more JSA-based action figures, just so you know. Three years ago, this was the company’s bread and butter, yet 2002 and 2003 were virtually devoid of figures from the Justice Society of America’s rich history. Last I heard, the ongoing book, JSA, is still a critical and commercial success, so what gives there? If you want to get technical, a new line we’ll be seeing in 2004, “First Appearances,” will give us Wonder Woman, the Flash, Green Lantern, Hawkman, Superman, and Batman & Robin – all JSA members. But Robin, as he appeared on the cover of Detective Comics #38, was not active in the JSA, and the same argument can be made for Superman and Batman. The other characters I listed have all been produced, so there really isn’t any new ground being covered for the loyal customers who quickly snatched up the first-ever action figures for Jay Garrick, Alan Scott, and the Golden Age Hawkman and Wonder Woman all the way back in 2000 (like me). One of these days I’d like to hear DC Direct’s reasoning as to why JSA fans were so easily kicked to the curb, especially since this was the case well before DC Direct had free reign to finally produce Superman and Batman figures. And it’s not like DC does Superman and Batman figures every single month -- they have to mix things up – so why can’t they get around to a respectable JSA-themed month once or twice a year?