By Geoff Hoppe
October 11, 2015 - 22:34
Studios: 108 Media
Starring: Valentina Kolaric, Mike McLauglin, Maurice Mejia, Vince Major
Directed by: Jonas Odenheimer
Produced by: Jonas Odenheimer
Running Time: 1 hr 16 min
Release Date: 2015
When you see one person writing, producing and directing, it’s either going to be Orson Welles or Tommy Wiseau. Which is Classroom 6? Here’s a hint: ROOM are the last four letters of “classroom.”
SPOILER ALERT: more for the other stories I reference in discussing how bad this movie is, though.
Classroom 6, written, produced and directed by Jonas Odenheimer, follows a documentary crew making a film about mysterious disappearances at a local college. The protagonist is an enterprising young believer, and her cameraman and boom mic guy are suitably cynical about the affair. The locals warn them them about the dangers of what they’re doing and OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. Not really. You’re not that lucky. Once the crew and a few able-bodied victims are locked into the classroom building for the night, the hellish hijinx commence. A horrifying time is had by all.
All eugooglies aside, Classroom 6 is a master class in how not to be scary. For something to be frightening, there needs to be a certain amount of recognition. Good scary stories are like good jokes or good mysteries— something in the setup should explain or rationalize the ending. The viewer should recognize some earlier element, or a scary story’s just a jumble of disturbing events. Take Classroom 6’s obvious artistic grandpappy The Blair Witch Project— unless you remember that story about how the serial killer made his victims stand in the corner, the final image of Mike is nonsensical. As you’ve probably guessed, Classroom 6 lacks this element of recognition. There’s some talk early in the film of how a paranormal studies professor “opened portals,” assumedly to Somewhere Bad, but no reveal that confirms this fact.
Worth the money? You know what’s really meta? The fact that I paid $5 to rent this on iTunes. iTunes became a portal that sucked up my money. Satan laughing spreads his wings. And opens his wallet.
The Drifting Classroom: Perfect Edition Volume 2 manga review
The Drifting Classroom: Perfect Edition Volume 1 manga review
Assassination Classroom: Volume 21 manga review
Assassination Classroom: Volume 20 manga review
Assassination Classroom: Volume 19 manga review
Assassination Classroom: Volume 18 manga review
Assassination Classroom: Volume 17 manga review
Assassination Classroom: Volume 16 manga review
Assassination Classroom: Volume 15 manga review
Assassination Classroom: Volume 14 manga review