Race to Witch Mountain is a rather devious film, because there is no race to Witch Mountain. In fact, there is no race to anywhere! Furthermore, Witch Mountain is but the denouement of the film, it is only brought up within the last thirty minutes. Thus, alongside with winning “the most deceiving title” award, this movie loses points for not following the premise that the title set out for it. With that settled, let’s discuss the actual story of the film.

Jack Bruno (Johnson) is a lowly cab driver who seems to be rather depressed with the way his life has turned out. He lives in a crummy motel room, has a lousy job and seems to be in rather deep trouble with some gang/mafia type group, which the movie never really explains. Then, out of nowhere, these two preteen children, who are really aliens, hire his services to drive them somewhere. That is where the movie goes retarded. Things start happening that aren’t explained, instances transpire that makes no sense, and many action and special effect sequences occur.

In short, it is your classic kid’s movie, and seeing as how it is a kid’s movie, I will try not to let the usual issues I focus on – inconsistencies, logical flaws, shoddy acting and clichéd dialogue – have such an impact on my verdict. Instead, I will critique it with respect to what a children’s film should contain. It should have some character development, it should teach you a valuable lesson and, most of all, it should be entertaining. Let’s break it down.

First off, character development is mostly inexistent because the characters don’t change or grow much at all from their experiences. 0 for 1. Second, a valuable lesson cannot be derived from anything that happened in this film because, as stated, nothing really changed from the beginning of the movie to the end of it. 0 for 2. Finally, though I found the movie to be seriously lacking in the entertainment department, my brother, who is ten years of age, seemed to be very enthralled by this film. Hence, depending on which age group you are in, it is either 0 for 3 (adults), or 1 for 3 (kids). However, this presents us with a problem; this movie is not universally entertaining.

For the past decade or so it has become rather popular for movies that are aimed at youth to be entertaining for those of us who are older as well, lending the films a universal appeal. This movie, aside from making me laugh due to the sheer stupidity of it, did nothing for me. The special effects were dull, the action sequences were nothing special and there was little to no comic relief.

With regards to the bonus features, though I wasn’t expecting much, I was still disappointed. There were only two features on the regular DVD, deleted scenes and bloopers. The bloopers were not funny, and I don’t watch deleted scenes. I find them to be useless and boring.

Though I would like to say that this film deserves nothing over a two, I can’t ignore the fact that my little brother was quite taken by this film. Therefore, for the sake of the children, I will augment the score a little.