A Contract is a Contract is a Contract (Loosely Speaking)
By Philip Schweier
November 22, 2011 - 07:02
Selling monthly comic books might make a repeat business a
little easier, but even that has little or no guarantee. In this economy,
businesses need to be more aggressive about making the most of every dollar and
pleasing every customer in order to build a strong customer base. It sometimes
helps to apply unconventional thinking to turn a profit. For instance, the
Ferengi race of Star Trek are driven by commerce, so let’s apply their Rules of
Acquisition to one of my experiences.
I am a big fan of Howard Chaykin, and in 2009 I discovered he had
illustrated Phantom Eagle: War is Hell by Garth Ennis the year before. I
asked the owner of my local comic book store to order me a copy. Getting it
became an exercise in poor business.
Garth Ennis and Howard Chaykin
Rule of Acquisition #158: Don't pay until you have the goods
A month went by and no book, so I asked the store manager if the owner had
ordered it. He replied, “Probably not, but I’ll take care of it.” I was
surprised. Here I am, with money in my pocket, and he failed to place the
order. What kind of customer service is that?
Rule of Acquisition #51: Never admit a mistake if there's someone else to blame
Another month went by, and still no book, so I asked again. The owner told me
it had been ordered, but he would check on its status. He said that Diamond has
been known to arbitrarily cancel orders for no apparent reason. The manager
then shared a story of ordering some items, only for Diamond to cancel the
order without just cause.
Rule of Acquisition #99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
A couple of weeks went by and still no word. I asked again, and the manager of
the store said he would ask the owner.
A few more weeks went by (by now three months had passed since I'd
first asked for the book) and I asked yet again. The store owner then said to
me, "IF (emphasis his) I can get it, it will be here next week." Very
well, then. If it's not here next week, I can safely assume he will be
unable to get it.
Rule of Acquisition #159: The customer is always right ... until you have
their cash
The following Wednesday, nothing was said. No "I ordered your book again
but it didn't come in," or "It should be here next week."
Nothing. Still, I allowed an additional week after that. Still no book. So I
acted upon the last information I was given, that because it wasn't in, he
could not get it.
Rule of Acquisition #141: Only fools pay retail.
So I went online and found the book for $8, well below it's suggested retail
price of $14.99. I ordered it Thursday evening and it arrived in the mail on
Monday afternoon. I read it, enjoyed and filed it on a shelf.
Two days later I went to my friendly neighborhood comic book store only to find
– TA-DAAAH! – the book was in. I was disappointed. I felt as though every
effort for the past three months to acquire this book was answered with a
resounding "NO!" from the retail supply chain.
Rule of Acquisition #285: No good deed ever goes unpunished.
The comic book store owner was upset, as I had made such an effort to buy the
book from him, he'd finally gotten it and now I didn't want it. A whole lot of
trouble on his part only to end up with a unwanted merchandise to go on the
shelf in the hopes that someone else might buy it.
He may have felt I only bought it online because it was
cheaper, but the truth is I made the conscious decision to support a local
independent business which turned out to be a lot of wasted effort for both of
us.
Rule of Acquisition #54: Never buy anything you can't sell
The store tried to do something good, making an extended effort to acquire a
book on my behalf. It would have been much easier for them, after two or three
tries, to simply give up and say they couldn't get it and blame the
distributor. Instead they are saddled with merchandise they'd rather not have.
Rule of Acquisition #251: Satisfaction is not guaranteed
The distributor, well, they didn't try to do anything good. If they had, I
would’ve had the book the first time around, or at least the second. Instead,
they chose not to offer any explanation (unavailable? back order? nothing) and
simply let the order languish somewhere in the realm of cyberspace until someone
decided, "Oh, yeah, we can send you that."
But is there a lesson to be learned here? Hopefully, it’s Rule of
Acquisition #57: Good customers are as rare as latinum – treasure them.
Praise and adulation? Scorn and ridicule? E-mail me at philip@comicbookbin.com
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