By Philip Schweier
August 23, 2013 - 20:55
Recently while doing research, I stumbled across
a preposterous scene from “The Secret Origin of Bouncing Boy in Adventure Comics #301 (1962).
"You just keep thinkin', Butch. That's what you're good at."
As Legionnaires enter their clubhouse for their monthly meeting, adoring fans
gather outside like 30th century paparazzi, seeking autographs and perhaps some
form of brief acknowledgement from their heroes.
As I say, this scene was from the 1960s, during the age of the teen idol, which
only made me think of how your average joe might relate to the super-powered
beings of the DC or Marvel universe.
Both heroes and villains would achieve a celebrity status, much like a movie
star, with varying levels of appeal. Naturally, some fans would find Superman
too pure or Batman mysterious and appealing. Even a character such as Magneto
would have his legions of fans. Everyone loves a bad boy.
Imagine how fan clubs for one costumed adventurer or another would develop,
spawning rivalries between the Human Torch or Spider-Man. Whole teams of heroes
would have a fan base, wearing t-shirts and jerseys just like an NFL team.
Naturally, endorsement would follow, with fees going to directly to
a hero’s or villain’s supply line. Web fluid doesn’t come cheap, you know. Who
knows, there may be enough money involved to make a super-villain go straight.
As Paul Newman said in Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, “If they
paid me what they’re paying them to keep me from robbing them, I’d stop robbing
them.” This in reference to E.H. Harriman of the Union-Pacific Railroad
spending a small fortune to outfit a special squad to track down Cassidy’s
Hole-in-the-Wall Gang.
Gilda Radner as SNL's Emily Litella
In the end, the bad guys would have more money, meaning they’d be up to less
villainy, giving the heroes less to do. The reduction in super-powered
shenanigans would mean fewer heroes would be needed.
Wait, that would mean that there would eventually be no costumed heroes. Well
that’s real life. Who wants that? Or it would possibly mean fewer comic books.
Again, who wants that?!
In the words of Emily Litella, “Never mind.”